"August" A short story

"Please tell me you know, I've got to let you go" these were the words that played in the back round as I pull out of the driveway. I found it coincidental, considering my initial motives for going to that graveyard. I looked at my hands that were covered in dirt unlike my heart that for once felt washed clean of these memories.

It was August 20,2009 the first time I saw Reed. He walked into class with bewilderment in his eyes. Unlike me, he didn't grow up in this small town and this scenery was new to him. He began to scan the room looking for a place to sit. Luckily the seat next to me was still up for grabs. I watched as he took those momentous twelve steps towards me. I cannot tell you what the topic of discussion in my world religions class was that day but the smell in the air was that of fresh linnen. 

I can't believe hes gone. I to tried wipe the tears that filled my eyes but all I seemed to do was wipe the mascara on my eyes even further down my face. "Its my fault, all of this is my fault." My mother reached out to embrace me but all I did was run out the door into our cow pasture. For once I was unable to admire the plush greenery all around me. All I could see was the cloudy view from behind my eyelids. I wanted to run forever but my run ended soon when I tripped over a shiny metal object in the ground.

He always carried that compass key chain with him, even at lunch. It baffled me because there never seemed to be keys on it. It just dangled back and forth. Pointing from north to south, east to west. Reed was a mystery. He saw me in the cafeteria and sat at a table facing towards me. It had been at least a week from our first encounter in world religions class so I thought, why not? I approached him and sat down right next to him. It was a bolder move than I usually made but he intrigued me so. Our conversation didn't just erupt like I thought it would. Surprisingly he just kept reading his book. I stared at the wore pages that he griped so tightly. Then because I am the most clever and articulate person ever, I asked "whatcha reading?" At that moment I wished to withdraw my comment. It sounded better in my head but now it was out there. He smiled and said "Moby Dick".His voiced surprised me. When I first saw him all I noticed was his dark hair, sun-kissed skin and his puce eyes. I thought he voice would be super deep and commanding but it was gentle, calming even. Taken aback I just smiled. He did as well pulling back  his face to reveal dimples and years of proof that the dentist is worth every penny.

I stopped in the road to collect my thoughts. "Why am I hear? I just drove an hour to see a person who I refused to say I love you to." These puzzling thoughts replayed over and over. With each thought I just continued to gaze at my nails that were still filled with dirt after I picked up that metal compass that lay in front of the tombstone.

She called me to come back in the house but I refused, I just continued to lay in the grass staring at his compass that he dropped during our last conversation. "It just is all to fast and I'm scared." At these words he shuffled dirt around his feet looked at me in the eyes whispered I love you and pulled away. If I knew this was the last time I would see him. I would of said what was on my heart. I would of told him that since I first saw him I knew. I would say so much more, but these cherished moments were that of memories. I could replay over and over again but that wouldn't make him dodge the car that hit him as he pulled away from my yard. Secretly I wished that I knew what the words he said to me mean't.

Our first date was not even awkward. Not like first dates should be. He didn't say much but I gabbed on about life, poetry, music, and even the little bit of politics I knew. He smiled, made a comment here and there, but mainly just showed me what a great listener he was. At the end of our date he was hesitant to hug me, afraid to be too forward I on the other hand leaned my weight into his arms and breathed in this moment that I wished would never end. However, it did. We pulled away from our hug and he smiled and said "goodnight". I had never known such perfection until I met Reed. That year was filled with so many memories, but that is all they were, memories. 

I arrived home at 8pm however, I could not move from my vehicle to the house. It hurt to even breathe. I realized that I had felt love grip me so close and I denied it even to myself. Fear kept me from revealing my heart to a person who held no limitations on his feelings. He let me experience such joy and in him I saw so much beauty. I touched the leathery wheel and ran my fingers through the cracks that were in my seat. Then I looked over in the passenger seat and I saw the compass. I reached my hand towards it and began to play with the needle. It moved back and forth, east to west, north to south. It was the last tangible thing I had left of him. But what would remain in my heart was that feeling of adventure that he gave me. "Discover" he said, "explore for if you don't this adventure called life will pass you by." So I started my car, put it in reverse and headed for an unknown destination, life. The compass on my dashboard leading the way as I rolled down the windows and let the wind breeze tousle my hair back and forth. For once I felt the way Reed had always felt, alive.