A Grief Observed Part 2

Chapters three and four of A Grief Observed dig deeper into the depths of despair that Lewis finds himself in. He questions the Lord's presence during this difficult time. He has not forgotten the Lord but he is finally having to put his faith in Christ into action. He discusses moments of grief that his friends have had to endure and how he could not really identify with what they were going through until he himself felt such the sting of death. H, I imagine was a beautiful woman. Not so much in the physical sense but in the depths of her personality. The way that C.S Lewis talks about this woman one would think she was his source of strength. He in no way makes her seem perfect, in fact he sees the both of them as sick and in need of a doctor. She is real, and I can picture her being his encouragement through difficult times. Up until this point they had one another to lean on through difficult times. His source of comfort is detached from him and now he must look upward for his strength, which is where it should always lie.
When one visits a cemetery they can expect two things, to see tombstones, and the realization that there are hundreds of dead people below their feet sets in rather quickly. If you think about this thought it is not as morbid as it is a sense of closure. I think people go to cemeteries for a lot of reasons. To pay respect to the dead, to visit a loved one lost, to expose an angry heart to a person who can no longer respond but listen. These are all reasons to go to a cemetery. For myself I go to feel peace. I find myself hiding this fact because most think this idea crazy. For me I look at it as a place where there is no need to rush time or worry about the list of things to do, the people here are no longer in this place. It is us who need this home. Their bodies are gone but we are left with this sense of openness, and when going to a cemetery we receive some closure. Their quietness releases the groans of our hearts. I knew no one in that cemetery but reading tombstones I tried to pretend the thoughts these families had as they watched these people being lowered into the ground. Such despair can be unfathomable but yet we do not die with them physically even thought there are parts of our soul that feel almost dead. I think this is what C.S Lewis is feeling, death to parts of his soul. Yet, he is becoming more alive in a sense. He no longer can hang onto H as his crutch. He can remember her and still love her but he has to reach this point of realization and peace. Her time spent here was beautiful but this life is only a mere glimpse into the one the Lord has prepared for us.